Monday, January 30, 2012

Nice to meet me again...

I am now 3 months out from my bariatic surgery. I have lost 87 lbs in total (this includes my pre-op liquid diet weight) and I am 66 lbs from my goal weight, as of this morning. I took some pictures of myself to mark this 3 month time and I was struck at how much I had changed so far. My face is thinner, I actually can see a waist line. I thought it was gone forever. It isn't just my outward appearance that has changed, I have found energy I didn't know I had, I am more smiley. I never thought I was really unhappy before, sure I wasn't happy about how overweight I was but I felt I was pretty happy and upbeat. But comparing pics from before and now the ones from this past sunday, it is a world of difference.

When I look at the most recent pictures, it is like seeing a friend I haven't seen in years. Ultimately I have always been the same person, I have the same morals and thought processes but I have been hidden in a fat suit if you will. I purposefully kept to myself, I tried to go out as little as possible, I didn't look in the mirror unless I absolutely had to, pictures were strategically posed to make myself look less fat. As the weight sheds, so do the restraints that turned me into a hermit for so long. I still have a ways to go but I already feel so much better that it is hard to imagine how I will feel once I reach my goal weight. The world better look out! :P

Saturday, January 14, 2012

So frustrated...

I think I am having a food melt down. Over the past few days I have to force myself to eat. Nothing sounds good, I want nothing. I go stand in the kitchen and wanna cry angry tears of frustration. While there is a kitchen crammed full of food, tons of which I can't eat, but some things I can, I want none of it. Logically I know I need to eat to get in the protein but I just can't. When I try to make myself eat a meal just to get in the protein, it tastes horrible and I usually end up giving most to the dogs.

I'm so tired of my old standby, chicken. If I eat one more piece of chicken I am going to grow feathers and start clucking. I had 2 protein shakes today (thankfully they are just over 30g of protein each) but the thought of eating anything for dinner just makes me want to throw a 2 year old tantrum. Yes I know. Not very mature but I am just so frustrated.

We were at HEB today looking at those small frozen tv dinner things. Weight watchers, lean cuisine etc. First off they are all totally loaded with sodium which I try to avoid. Most of them have a little bit of meat and the rest is rice, or potatoes or pasta. I cannot eat them, not because it is prohibited, while they aren't recommended, you can still have a little. I physically cannot eat them, after a small bite of a pasta or potato or rice they feel like they are stuck in my chest. Have you ever had an air bubble stuck in your chest? That is what it feels like, it is very uncomfy and nothing I do seems to make it better. I just have to wait it out, which is usually 10-15 mins.

So now I try and avoid those as much as I can. So those tv dinners aren't really a viable option for me. That just added to my frustrations. I have moments where I just want to be able to eat. Eat without having to think about it, eat without having to worry about any adverse reactions. Believe me I know that the health benefits far out weigh the issues. And I see it every time I look in the mirror and in the energy I feel every day. But I guess we all have our moments where we get down and apparently I am having one of those weeks.