So frustrated...

I think I am having a food melt down. Over the past few days I have to force myself to eat. Nothing sounds good, I want nothing. I go stand in the kitchen and wanna cry angry tears of frustration. While there is a kitchen crammed full of food, tons of which I can't eat, but some things I can, I want none of it. Logically I know I need to eat to get in the protein but I just can't. When I try to make myself eat a meal just to get in the protein, it tastes horrible and I usually end up giving most to the dogs.

I'm so tired of my old standby, chicken. If I eat one more piece of chicken I am going to grow feathers and start clucking. I had 2 protein shakes today (thankfully they are just over 30g of protein each) but the thought of eating anything for dinner just makes me want to throw a 2 year old tantrum. Yes I know. Not very mature but I am just so frustrated.

We were at HEB today looking at those small frozen tv dinner things. Weight watchers, lean cuisine etc. First off they are all totally loaded with sodium which I try to avoid. Most of them have a little bit of meat and the rest is rice, or potatoes or pasta. I cannot eat them, not because it is prohibited, while they aren't recommended, you can still have a little. I physically cannot eat them, after a small bite of a pasta or potato or rice they feel like they are stuck in my chest. Have you ever had an air bubble stuck in your chest? That is what it feels like, it is very uncomfy and nothing I do seems to make it better. I just have to wait it out, which is usually 10-15 mins.

So now I try and avoid those as much as I can. So those tv dinners aren't really a viable option for me. That just added to my frustrations. I have moments where I just want to be able to eat. Eat without having to think about it, eat without having to worry about any adverse reactions. Believe me I know that the health benefits far out weigh the issues. And I see it every time I look in the mirror and in the energy I feel every day. But I guess we all have our moments where we get down and apparently I am having one of those weeks.

Incredibly Shrinking Me.

I have been struggling since leaving the hospital with getting my required fluid intake. According to my diet info page I am supposed to be taking in a min of 48 oz per day. I am hitting about 36oz. Yesterday was an exception where I hit a lot less than that. I woke up and just felt blah. I hadn't slept well the night before, lots of tossing and turning, which means lots of waking up all night long. I didn't feel like eating or drinking anything. It felt like it was a chore just to make the effort. I managed to get in 2 protein shakes, a cup of broth and minimal water. I just didn't feel like it. I didn't even weigh yesterday because I like I said it was a blah day.

I also need to be more commited to walking. I do walk around the house and go up and down stairs intentionally but beyond one trip to walmart with my dad, I haven't left the house. Thinks have been crazy around here. Sunday very early in the morning my Dad had to take my stepmother to the ER. She has a kidney stone and it is rather large, 5 by 11 mm I think they said. While they were there my dad almost passed out from what I am guessing was low blood sugar. Once they fed him a sandwich he was fine. He brought my stepmother home later that same day with pain meds and some other stuff. She had to go back to ER yesterday late afternoon and didn't get home til late that night. She is at the doctor again this morning for an appt with a urologist. Hopefully they can make it all better soon, I know those aren't pleasant.

I have lost a good amount of weight since my surgery, according to my at home scales. Since my 1st surgery on Halloween I have lost a total of 12 lbs.
Since I started my liquid diet I have lost a total of 40 lbs.

It is exciting to see the numbers dropping on the scale. Keeps you upbeat and motivated to say the least. I have been measuring as well and those numbers are slowly decreasing along with the weight loss.

Not really an important update but just something for me to make note of for later reference. I think my new stomach isn't really fond of mootopia. Every time I have a shake the past few days I get warm all over and I have some slight stomach cramping. Also it makes me a little nauseous sometimes, not every time I drink it though. I like the added benefits of mootopia and really hope my body will settle down. But if I have to change I will.

Oh a big exciting update! My husband is coming down for Christmas. I am so excited! We miss each other a lot and neither of us can wait til he is down here permanently.

Have a great week!

A tale of two surgeries.

Bright and early Monday morning. Halloween no less, I went into the hospital to have a laproscopic sleeve gastrectomy. I was nervous but ready to get started losing this weight and avoiding the diabetes that my family history would make it a certainty for me. Not to mention the fact my dr labeled me pre-diabetic at my last pre-op dr appt. I was on the path towards this disease that scares me more than pretty much any other. But thankfully we were in time to change that path before it got much much worse.

So they got me all set up; iv, paper worked signed, dressed in nothing but a hospital gown with my backside exposed to the world. Then the pre-anethesia meds that make you loopy and goofy. Then I was wheeled into the operating room moved onto the surgical table and had a mask put on my face and told to take some deep breaths. I remember thinking ugh I hate these masks things. They make me feel claustrophobic but okay whatever, I can handle a few deep breaths. Inhale once.... Then I was out. I vaguely remember waking up in my hospital room. No recollection of the recovery room at all or how I got to my hospital room. I looked over saw my Aunt, my dad and stepmother and then closed my eyes and was out again until they handed me the morphin button. Which I promptly pressed and went back to sleep.

Then came nurses checking vitals and then making me sit in a chair which I promptly fell asleep in. People coming to visit and me pretty much not in the mood. I hurt and the way I deal with pain is to pretty much shut out the outside world. Close my eyes and remain silent. That doesn't work well with people always coming in to check this or that. LOL

I became a little more awake but still miserable. I started throwing up, the nurse said it was just from the anethesia it would pass. Sadly, it didn't. The next morning I was taking to the xray lab to have a "swallow study". They basically give you some Bariam (not sure how that is spelled). While you swallow they have a live action camera on your esophagus and stomach so they can watch it go into your stomach and make sure there are no leaks. Well good part was, no leaks, bad part it didn't exit where it was supposed to. I watched it enter the stomach and then saw it start to go back up my throat about the time I started to gag. Thankfully we were prepared.

The xray dr was concerned. My dr was in another surgery but would look at the film when he got out. After he saw it they took me back to do another one with the same results. The look on his face told me this was bad. He said he needed to go back in, what he suspected was my stomach had twisted on itself. Which is why I wasn't able to keep the bariam down. Anything that was entering my stomach wasn't able to leave out the bottom like normal so it left the only other way it knew, up. And I am sure you can imagine after having stomach surgery the day before. The act of throwing up is not what you want to be doing.

So almost immediately I was taken back to pre-op and signed more consent forms, given more goofy meds and whisked into the operating room. The dr put a camera in to look at the stomach and sure enough it had flipped. They tried to flip it back and sew it but no matter what they did it kept flipping back so the only thing he could do at that point was convert it to a Roux en Y Gastric bypass. Which is basically where they reroute your intestines and sew it to a small pouch of your stomach.

The main differences between the bypass and sleeve is; 1. stomach capacity is slightly smaller with bypass and 2. I cannot have sugar without very very bad reactions. The rate at which you lose weight is slightly faster with the bypass and there are some minor complications with future pregnancies but it is all manageable.

Coming out of that surgery was a whole new experience from the first time. I remember the recovery room and I remember being wheeled into my hospital room. I had some mild pain but I didn't use any more morphin. The next day I was even better, no more throwing up, they took another swallow study and you should have seen the relief on my dr's face when it showed it exiting into the intestines like it's supposed to. They started removing me from all the tubes that were in me. And I got to start drinking broth, water and protein milk and oh yeah they gave me jello and pudding. I didn't have much of an appetite but at least I was keeping everything down.

My dr, who I love to death, felt so badly and you could see the emotion on his face when he was telling me he had to go back in. This complication is one that is listed as a possibility. It just happens for whatever reason. But he took very good care of me as did his assistant Jane and a couple of really wonderful RN's. However, I was sooo glad to finally get to come home yesterday (Thursday). I missed my room, my computer, my dogs, my tv and not being woken up every few hours with some one wanting to take my vitals. LOL

So it was quite the adventure and that first day I was asking myself why in the world did I do this to myself. But after the 2nd surgery it was all different and every day it gets a little better. The pain is lesser and I can get around better and I am able to take in more liquids and broth. So I am looking forward to good things ahead!

Day Before Surgery.

It is the day before surgery and I am filled with anticipation, excitement, nervousness, inpatients and most of all HUNGER. Today I can only have clear liquids. No protein shakes, no cheating even a little. I just keep reminding myself that it is just one day. One measly day of this and then it all gets better tomorrow.

I am in the process of packing my hospital bag and trying to decide what to take. In all likelihood I will only be there a day, two at the most. Which means I do not really need to bring that much with me, but I like to be prepared. I will probably pack my latest crochet project and maybe a book. I toyed with bringing my ipod but have decided against it. They tell you to not bring any valuables, which I understand but I will be bringing a few. I will have my dad or stepmother keep them until I am in my assigned room after recovery.

Also not to be overshadowed by my surgery date is my 3rd wedding anniversary, or as my husband calls it our Anni-ween. It is hard to imagine that it has been 3 years, the time has really flown by so quickly. It is a bit hard since he is still up in Canada and I am down here in Texas. But that will be fixed soon and then next year we will be together on our anniversary.

So many wonderful things have happened to me in the month of October. So it only seems fitting that I make a change for better health during this time of year.

Some WLS Pureed recipes

Here are just a few recipes I was provided in my info packet.

Basic Meat Stew

2 tbsp oil
1 1/2 pounds boneless stew meat cut into 1 inch cubes
1/3 cup flour
3 cups liquid (water or vegetables juice)
4 medium potatoes, scrubbed and cut up
5 medium carrots, scrubbed and cut up

Heat oil in large size heavy saucepan over medium high heat. Coat the meat in flour and brown in oil. Add the liquid and cover tightly. Simmer over medium heat for 1 1/2 hours. Add potatoes and carrots. Cover and simmer for 20 minutes. Puree stew in food processor or blender until smooth. Store in fridge for up to 2 days or in freezer for 2-3 months.
Makes 20-25 food cubes
Serving size: per 4.65 ounces
Calories: 139... Protein: 13 grams... Total fat: 4.21 gram.

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Combination Dinner

1 cup cooked meat (beef, chicken, fish, ham, etc)
2/3 cup cooked veggies
1 cup stock
Place in blender or food processor. Puree and freeze into ice cube trays.
Serving size: per 2 ounces
Calories: 36... Protein: 5 grams... Total fat: less than 1 gram.

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Pureed Legumes

1 cup any legume (black beans, kidney beans, garbanzo beans, navy beans, pinto beans, black eye beans. lentils, etc.)
3 cups water
3/4 cup nonfat milk
rinse 1 cup of any legume. Soak in water overnight or bring to a boil for 2 minutes, cover, and then allow to sit for 2 hours. Drain off the soaking water or cooking water, then add 3 cups fresh water and bring beans to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer, covered, until beans are tender (30 mins-2 hours depending on legume). Skim surface often as beans are simmering. Puree with 3/4 cup non fat milk. Freeze in ice cube trays.
Serving Size: per 2 ounces
Calories: 28... Protein: 2 grams... Total fat: less than 1 gram.

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Orange and Cream Protein Smoothie

2 cups vanilla fat free yogurt
1/3 cup orange juice
1 cup skim milk
3 scoops protein powder
Combine all ingredients in a blender. Blend until smooth. It you would like a thinner smoothie, just add more skim milk to blender until desired consistency is reached. Keep in fridge for up to 2 days or 1 month in freezer.
Makes 24-28 1 oz servings.
(can also be made into a popsicle by placing mixture in ice cube tray and then inserting a toothpick into center of each cube before freezing.)
Serving Size: per 1 ounce
Calories: 32... Protein: 4 grams... Total fat: less than 1 gram.

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